Along about this time I began to notice the opposite sex in a very "appreciative" way and soon I was "going steady" with first one and then another of the fairer sex. It was sub-conscious to me at that time and I wouldn't really begin to realize it for several years, but I loved everything about the female persona in a way that a lot of the males my age didn't really see or appreciate. Sure, it was a natural thing for me to begin to view them in a different light than I ever had before, adolescence does that to everybody - and on both sides of the continuum. But it went farther than that. I loved the way they were shaped, the way they smelled, the way they walked, the way they talked, the way they fixed their hair, their little 'spend the night' parties, the way they shared and compared everything from makeup to hair styles to clothes, the little 'girl talk' sessions they would have, the way they seemed to know that they were having an effect on those around them, and everything else about them that was more or less considered their feminine traits and God-given exclusive feminine rights. But above all else I loved their freedom to dress and make up any way they wanted to. I was envious that they had the freedom to wear such pretty and delicate things, and to use and wear makeup to enhance their features, but I (as a male) was denied those pleasures. Denied not necessarily by the inability to actually obtain or wear anything that they did, but denial by society's rules that state that "Men just don't do that". So what little dressing I managed to get to do was done at times when I was absolutely certain that I wouldn't get caught.
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