OK,
Mr/Ms crossdresser - you've come out to your wife and, just for the
sake of argument, let's assume that things have gone rather well in the
acceptance department. Maybe she's not really accepting so much as she
is just tolerant. This is a good thing for you and you're elated that
she didn't pack up her dud's and beat a hasty retreat out of the house.
You're home free, right? .....WRONG!!!
Now that she knows, you can look for some changes to occur. Sure,
you've had a tremendous burden lifted from your shoulders, but stop and
think about it a minute.... Where'd that burden go? Right, squarely on
HER shoulders. So now YOU have some responsibilities and obligations
that weren't there before.
First, she's going to need YOUR support. And you'd darn well be
prepared to supply it to her in as high a quantity as is necessary.
You've had your whole life to learn about this NEED you have, but she's
just learned about it and there's no way she's gonna understand it the
way you do in such a short time frame. You may have supplied her with
enough documentation about it to fill a library, but it's gonna take
time - a LOT of time - for her to get anywhere close to comfortable
with it.
She's going to want a few things from YOU now and you need to be in a
position to know what these are and to supply them to her. First, she's
going to need your support and you should supply it to her along with
ample quantities of love. She may, or may not, want to talk about this
often and if she does, be ready to spend as much time with her as she
wants to discuss the situation. Answer all her questions honestly and
with compassion for her. And here are a few things that she may be
watching out for or concerned about - especially if she's read my page
about "What He Wants".
She'll be aware that there will come a time when you will want to
venture out of the confines of the four walls of your little hacienda
and meet other crossdressers in a social environment. She'll be
concerned about this and rightfully so. The vision that society has of
crossdressers is not one that we would like for them to have. Sure, you
know that you're 100% heterosexual and you don't want to actually
become a woman and that crossdressing for you is simply a way for you
to express your feminine side. And it may even be possible that you've
been successful in convincing your wife about these things. But she's
smart enough to know that there ARE crossdressers out there who don't
subscribe to your way of thinking and she's concerned for your safety.
So before you approach her about meeting some other CDs and wives, be
certain that you know that these others are in the same league with you
and aren't candidates for the Jerry Springer show. If you've met
someone on the internet, or possibly in person, make certain that they
are on the same page you are before you commit to a meeting enfemme
regardless as to whether it's a public or private meeting.
She wants the man she married in bed with her just the same way that
YOU want the woman you married in the bed with you and you'd be a fool
not to realize that. Going to bed enfemme is OK to do ONLY if she asks
you to do so, she suggests it, or you have her permission to do so.
Sure, you know you're still the same guy you were when you slipped that
ring on her finger, but she probably didn't know anything at all about
your alter ego at that time so take that into consideration.
She wants security and that means being discrete about dressing.
There's a proper time and place to be enfemme and the two of you should
reach an agreement about when and where these times are permissible. In
all probability her greatest fears are that others who don't need to
know about this will find out and spread the word to the whole
neighborhood so you need to be mindful of that and don't do something
stupid that would bring such an event into reality. Nothing will
deflate your feminine ego faster than unexpected guests dropping by
just at the time you're modeling your latest chiffon dress. It's
probably a good idea to pull the drapes close and don't answer the door
if you happen to be caught in a compromising situation. In short, do
anything and everything necessary to prove to your better half that you
are serious about keeping things secure and safe. She'll be a lot more
at ease about it.
Along with this security she will be concerned, and perhaps even
apprehensive and objectionable to you going somewhere to meet others.
Some women are against this even if no one at the meeting will be
enfemme. This is something that will sometimes take a lot of time and
discussion to reach an agreement about. There is a slim possibility
that you are one of the few CDs who has no desire to meet others face
to face, endrab OR enfemme. If that's the case then you don't have to
concern yourself about it. However, you are apparently interested in
meeting others on line and learning all you can about them otherwise
you wouldn't be sitting there right now reading my "editorial". So, if
you are one of the majority who will eventually make in-person contact
with others this will apply to you. In that case I refer you to the
fifth paragraph from the top of this page. If you DO decide to take the
plunge, make absolutely certain that you use discretion and common
sense about it. I know that sometimes the exhilaration of being enfemme
has a way of overriding common sense and you need to be aware of this
pitfall. And if your wife has agreed to go along with you to meet
someone make sure ahead of time that (if they're going to be enfemme)
it's understood that they're not going to look and act like a typical
hooker. Nothing I can think of will cook your goose quicker than some
Jerry Springer want to be's trying to convince an already skeptical
spouse that they're only trying to look like the ladies they picture
themselves to be. So try to insure a little decorum if the two of you
decide to meet others.
Something she DOESN'T want, and this is discussed in detail on the "Do's and Don'ts"
page of this site, is to have you come through the door every night
ripping your clothes off on the way to the closet and makeup vanity. I
won't go into detail about that here since you can read all about it on
the page mentioned above. It should be sufficient to say that YOU
wouldn't be especially fond of such actions if the shoe (i.e. pump with
a 2 inch heel) was on the other foot.
She wants is to have the man she's always had available most of the
time. Dressing is very special and should be reserved for those times
when it's agreeable and not practiced at every available opportunity.
She wants protection and security. This means using discretion and
common sense about when you dress, where you dress, what you do while
your dressed, and who you're with when you're dressed. If you are
successful in convincing her that you WILL maintain the security she
needs in dressing, it will go a long way in promoting harmony and
happiness between both of you.
There are a LOT of other things she wants too. Like not going hog-wild
overspending on clothes. Just as a mater of information, thrift stores
like Goodwill and Salvation Army are treasure chests of really nice
outfits at the lowest possible prices. You might consider these type of
stores as a primary source for your clothes, especially if you're on a
tight budget like most of us. And it's not a bad idea to buy HER
something if you are buying new things from a retail store. Remember
that she loves new clothes too and she has far more rights to them than
you do since for her they are a necessity and not a luxury.
Another cost conscious area here is that of makeup. I can all but
guarantee you that she has numerous bottles of foundations, cover
crèmes, several tubes of various colors of lipsticks, and probably a
bunch of stuff that will necessitate the skills of a chemist to
determine what it is. And in there's a real good chance that she
doesn't use or want about 50% or more of it. It's stuff that she's
bought in the past that ended up being the wrong color, didn't do what
she'd hoped it would do, was to harsh on her skin, etc. Women (GGs)
have a certain proclivity to stick with a particular brand and color in
the cosmetics they use, but every now and then 'experiment' with
something else. The residual of these experiments is what ends up in a
basket under the bathroom sink and can be a source of supplies for the
crossdresser. Rather than just dispose of these 'treasures' why not ask
her if you can have some of them? If she's not going to have any use
for them there's no reason to just let them go to waste. Chances are
she can supply you with almost everything you need from a cosmetic
standpoint without spending an extra dime. This can be a really good
learning experience for you and help you determine what works best for
you and therefore when the time does come that you have to purchase
your makeup, you won't have to spend a fortune to find the right
combination.
We can sum this all up by saying that if you use common sense, practice
being discrete about dressing, and above all else maintaining the
highest level of security possible, you'll be well on your way to a
close and loving relationship with your wife. And along the way you
stand the chance of meeting some of the most sincere and genuine
friends you could ever hope to have. In short - your destiny rests
squarely in your hands and is determined by how you conduct yourself
post-disclosure.
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