When Clint Eastwood
produced the movie "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly", I would bet that
he never had in mind that the title might be used as a subject on a
crossdressing web site. Yet, it does lend itself well to a discussion
about the subject. As with almost anything else we might choose to
discuss there are good points, bad points, and yes, ugly points. What
differentiates these is the way they are viewed by each individual and
by those around them. In February of 2005, I raised this question for
comments in my Yahoo group, "The Secret Wardrobe". I've taken some of
the replies and compiled them here, along with a few interjections of
my own. Bear in mind that the comments came from not only
crossdressers, but from many of their wives and girlfriends. I've
listed these comments in inverse order (ugly, bad, then good) and
mentioned just a few of the ways they relate to crossdressing. Some are
sort of
humorous, but others are VERY serious and should be taken as such.
First we have the UGLY. I think we'd all have to admit that there are
some "butt ugly" crossdressers out there! Some of these just can't help
it no matter what they might do, while some could spend a little more
time in their appearance and choice of clothing styles and could make
quite a difference in the way they present themselves. But hold on a
minute here . . . one's outwardly appearance isn't necessarily an
accurate indicator of what the person is on the inside. I've seen some
of these ugly crossdressers who were just as ugly, and sometimes even
more so, on the inside as they were on the outside. I'm sure you know
the type I'm talking about. They're the kind that could make a train
take a dirt road. Not only do they not make an even remotely believable
woman, but also at the same time they sometimes have a web site, photos
and/or suggestive remarks in their public profiles that don't promote
true femininity and is actually demeaning and belittling to women in
general. It's this type of crossdresser, along with some of the bad
ones described in the next section, that serve no purpose towards
helping us to convince the general public that we're not the perverted
individuals they perceive us to be.
Here are some of the ways the replies described how they felt that 'UGLY' applies to crossdressing:
-Seeing other CD's who have not made any eeffort at all to hide their
manly looks or who have dressed like hookers and are out in public
showing the world that we are just a freak show. (I know we are not)
-the few CD's that dress in outrageous outtfits that seem to draw unwanted attention to CD's.
-Not being able to get over the 50+ years of feeling like some kind of
degenerate because I had this urge/need to crossdress. I started
crossdressing before I started grade school, grew up in the era where
there was no information on crossdressing, wondering if I was gay, and
thinking that I was the only male on the planet that enjoyed
"Dressing", therefore
I was a pervert.
-The way society, for the most part, in ouur country treats those of us
who are transgendered. Even today it is still a strong possibility that
discovery will cost you your job, friends, family and everything that
you hold dear.
-Those who refer to us as sexually deviateed people.
-The ten pounds I gained over Christmas annd my drab half saying it don't look so bad on him.
-The negative sexual aspects. Whether menttal or what society puts on
us because of a few. So-called 'perversion' and the 'weird' get more
airplay for the Transgendered then the normal lives we try to lead.
There are so many of us who simply embrace womanhood, but you rarely
see that in the venues of our society.
-Me when dressed, well you DID ask!!!
-What I think is ugly about it is all the physical violence towards our
people. Murders, rapes, and beatings are becoming all to common place.
We should never get used to seeing or being exposed to such things in
the headlines and the news. Maybe with all the good work you do on your
web site and through good clean groups on the net and a few good groups
like the NTAC and Gender Pac, then eventually the rest of the world
will learn to accept us, or at the very least
tolerate us. We are people too and human and when things like that
happen to one of us it affects the whole TG population and reinforces
our fears and keeps us in the shadow and closets even more. That's what
I think is ugly about the whole situation with crossdressing.
-What's ugly about cross-dressing is the iignorance that caused people
to believe myths regarding it. The widespread misinformation about it
causes us to hide our true selves from the public in general and
specifically people we love, holding back a part of ourselves. It
creates a cycle of deceit and lies that results in anxiety and stress.
The really ugly part is some of us believe those same myths ourselves
and live down to them.
-What's ugly? Well, I must agree with (naame deleted) here.......ME!!! Which only adds to the bad!
-The ugly........., It begins within our oown community with snide
comments, ugly behaviors towards one another and a serious lack of
Unity. Because one girl is not passable or not as pretty as another,
doesn't make her any less a member of the TG community. We are indeed
all sisters, like it or not. And as (name deleted) pointed out, 'John Q
Public' has a way of running us down and belittling us and in extreme
cases violence leaving one of us injured, or worse. Perhaps the general
public can learn to accept and open their hearts.
-It can become obsessive and lead to dangeerous behavior. So can many
other things, but I'm not involved in those. It can also be
disapponting when the look isn't what you want. I'm never going to be a
super model or a size six. That used to depress me when I was younger.
Next we have the BAD. These are the crossdressers who have the ability
to look good, usually do, and many could pass themselves off pretty
easily as a female in public. So what's the problem with these, you
might ask. Not all, but some of these seem to have the idea that
provocative clothes, overdone, makeup, five or six inch stiletto heels,
and numerous other attributes are the style of the day and hence seem
to want to flaunt such apparel openly in public for others to see. Now,
don't take me wrong here - I don't have any problem with those who find
these things desirable and fun to wear, especially you ladies out there
who might be reading this. Lots of women (we're talking genetic females
here) enjoy such fashions from time to time and that's perfectly OK.
The problem with a crossdresser who dresses this way is that if he's
'read', (for those of you unfamiliar with crossdressing terminology
that means recognized as a male dressed as a female) it's going to give
those who have figured out that "she" isn't what she
APPEARS to be, the impression that this is typical of all
crossdressers. Things look even worse for the crossdressing community
if this person is exhibiting behavior that isn't befitting to that of
what a lady SHOULD display in public.
Along with the 'BAD' aspects
of crossdressing are the emotional problems and inner turmoil often faced by the
individual. Bear in mind that crossdressing is a NEED that one is born with and
not only is this fact difficult for his wife, girlfriend, friends, or family to
deal with, it's also something that the crossdresser himself usually has a hard
time accepting. Keep these factors in mind as you read the replies listed below.
Here are a few of the ways the replies described how they felt that 'BAD' applies to crossdressing:
-Not having the courage to go out and abouut dressed as I want because it may well cost me friends and family.
-It can cause a strain on a relationship wwhere there is little or no understanding of your SO.
-Not being able to feel completely free too crossdress and appear in public whenever I wish.
-The hurt, anxiety and overall discomfort that we cause our SO's when
we come out to them or are discovered. In rare situations this
discovery doesn't cause a problem. In a strong relationship these
diminish somewhat over time but, nonetheless, the early stages of this
revelation is very difficult on both. In a tenuous relationship it is
the straw that breaks the camels back, an excuse to end a relationship.
-Narrow minded people
-Having your wife 'borrow' all your pantyhhose and not telling you until you realize you're out and having to ask her.
-Guilt, the worry, the lies, the hiding annd ducking. If you have an
accepting partner, having the fear that you don't 'overdose' her with
your femme alter ego. And more importantly, RUNS IN YOUR PANTYHOSE!!!!!
-The bad thing about cross-dressing is thaat it put ten years of stress
on my marriage that shouldn't have been there. The ignorance I suffered
under regarding cross-dressing caused me to withhold the fact about my
cross-dressing from my wife. Withholding that and the fact she then
caught me at it began ten years of distrust, and cold feelings while
she learned to trust me again. Even now, 32 years later, she still
harbors a bit of resentment over not having been allowed an informed
decision about marrying a cross-dresser.
-What's bad about it, I think is that I amm somewhat limited in the
types of outfits I can wear because of my body type. Tucking and
padding and so forth only goes so far. For example I could not get away
with a string bikini at the beach. I hate the limits that are put on me
like that, but I have learned to live with them, and just enjoy the
other stuff.. I also think what's bad about it, is when other people
cannot enjoy the same freedoms as me because of an un-accepting spouse,
job etc.
-I don't get enough chance to dress.
-What's bad? Well let's start with the soocial stigma, the behavior of
your spouse, the fear, hesitation, the fact that you have got to be
deranged to want to wear a bra. You're over-reacting as a male to
compensate for 20, 30, 40, or more years of painful self-analysis,
loneliness, abandonment. Divorce, damaged reputation, blackmail.
-The Bad........, the bad is that the TG ccommunity is misunderstood by
the general public, we are looked upon as either perverts,
weirdo's or a piece of meat on the rack awaiting a sexual
encounter....none of which is acceptable.
-It is expensive. I have two wardrobes. It isn't exactly mainstream either.
Conflicts with jobs and family are all too common.
And finally we come to the GOOD. In this category I place those crossdressers who show
respect for women and dignity in their dressing simply
because they have an over and above admiration for the feminine gender
in general. Some aren't pretty or passable as women, some are. But what
they DO have is a genuine
heartfelt respect for women and therefore project just such an attitude
when they are dressing or relating their feelings and motivations for
dressing to others. These are the ones who, if they maintain a website,
a publicly accessible profile page, support group, pictures, or any
other type of media, will make the efforts necessary keep their
information dignified,
clean, and helpful to others who might view it.
Here are some of the ways the respondents described how they felt that 'GOOD' applies to crossdressing:
-The feelings I get as I slip into my femmme clothes and go about my day, even though it is always in my closet.
-It makes you feel great and bring a changge in the daily routine
-Being aware of my femme side, which enablles me to see things from
both points of view. I think this allows me to live a more rounded and
fuller life.
-The sense of fulfillment or completeness,, serenity and pleasure that
we feel when we are able to express ourselves as a complete human being.
-I get to wear WONDERFUL dresses
-All the nice emotions and attitudes one ccan have.
-Complete and total expression of the femmme side. The wonderful look
and feel of a wide variety of clothing. Not just the usual pants and
shirt. Just a complete feeling, the ability to finally 'exhale' after
a long day.
-It makes me feel good when dressed.
-What's good about crossdressing, I think it's many things. It makes it
a lot easier to try on stuff at the store when I am crossdressed than
when I go as a boy. And I also go get my hair and nails done and feel
more natural and feminine when I go out crossdressed. Also
crossdressing can be very therapeutic. It makes me relax and enjoy who
I am and I am at peace with myself when I am crossdressed. I could
probably write a short novel about all the things that I think are good
about crossdressing.
-What's good about cross-dressing is that it brought me to the point of
discovering who I really was. It caused me to do more soul searching
then most people ever do. The result of that led me to an understanding
of myself that simply wouldn't have happened without it. Now in light
of that search, I now find cross-dressing to even more fulfilling then
ever before.
-What's good about crossdressing? Crossdrressing itself? Nothing
really. But the feminine nature you have, when allowed some say
definitely is a good thing. You tend to avoid hazardous environments,
bad foods, bad (and dangerous) habits. I can say I would probably be
dead today if it wasn't for my feminine part.
-The Good....... , is that it gives a Trannsgendered individual to
express their feminine side openly which in turn helps the individual
to feel whole and nearly complete whether just for a few stolen moments
, 24/7 or any thing in between.
-It is difficult to explain. I feel so att ease while dressed as Leigh
Ann. I'm not another person or anything, just happy. Shopping is also a
pleasure. There are fringe benefits, I can buy incredible outfits for
my wife and do her make up. I am ease with my daughters and do not feel
the typical male uncomfortable
syndrome.
To sum it up, crossdressing
is just like most anything else in our society when it comes to 'good, bad, and
ugly'. The way it's viewed is dependent entirely on who's viewing it, but most
importantly how much quality information they have about it. Note that I said QUALITY
information here. About all most folks know concerning crossdressing is what
they've seen in the media, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you that the media
is extremely slanted in what they put out for the public to see. As an example,
if a person involved in a crime is a crossdresser, the media will place emphasis
on the fact that the perpetrator was dressed
as a woman (or man if that applies). But ask yourself how many times have you
seen or read a news article where an act of courage, kindness, or heroism where
the person was a crossdresser. I would venture to say that you haven't seen any
at all. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't happen - because it does. The sad
truth is that most of the good deeds done aren't considered newsworthy and
therefore are seldom made known to the masses in the same way that bad things
are. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, crossdressers are everywhere and
can be found in ANY occupation, social status, positions of power,
financial condition, race, creed, national origin, or culture. That's something
to think about the next time you board an airliner, undergo surgery, call 911 in
an emergency, have a prescription filled, or any of a thousand other services
where you are required to place your trust and confidence in someone else, isn't
it? And it makes one wonder how these people we depend on have been treated if
they're a crossdresser. Do they perceive they've been regarded and treated as
good, or bad, or ugly. Something to think about, isn't it?
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