OK, let's say that you've recently revealed
your life-long secret to your wife or significant other. She's gotten
over the initial shock, has determined to her satisfaction that you're
not gay, you're not seeking HRT or SRS, not mentally ill, don't want to
actually become a genetic woman, and you've finally managed to convince
her that this is not a sexually motivated activity. In addition she has
finally conceded that this is not something brought about by her being
inadequate in any shape, form, or fashion. You've still got a long way
to go before either of you can start getting comfortable with this.
To begin with, she married a MAN, and to many wives, the mental image
of you parading about in any combination of a pair of panties, bra,
panty hose, makeup, a wig, high-heels, and sporting nail polish is not
exactly what she views as her idea of a male role model. So what do you
do about it? The main rule here is to exercise self restraint and don't
push too fast or too hard. Remember that you have known about this for
years and during all that time you've been educating yourself with
everything you could find related to crossdressing.
If there were degrees were issued in the field of crossdressing
knowledge like there are for college programs, most CDs would be
holding the equivalent of a Master's Degree. So keep this in mind when
you are talking to your partner about your alter ego. There is also a
substantial chance here that you can overwhelm her with too much
information (I tend to call this phenomenon "Information Overload") and
do nothing more than create additional confusion. To her the
abbreviations 'CD' and 'TV' have always indicated electronic hardware
used to bring high quality audio and video entertainment into your home
for your enjoyment. Things are now a little more complicated since
these same terms can now represent CrossDresser, and TransVestite. It
also gets confusing and strange sounding when you refer to yourself or
one of your CD friends in the feminine person and then start talking
about "her" wife or "her" girlfriend. Sure, I know what I'm talking
about, and you know what you're talking about, and to some extent she
knows what you're talking about too. But you need to go easy and think
about how the things you say might sound strange to her at this point
in time. There's a whole "set" of terms and lingo that she's not
familiar with and you can't expect her to understand it all at once so
stick to familiar terms when you're trying to explain something to her.
One of the main things you don't want to do at this point is to make a
bee-line to your wardrobe and makeup case every time you come in the
door. These types of actions are the quickest ways I can think of to
tear down any progress you've made with your significant other.
One of my children says I have what is sometimes referred to as
"obsessive compulsive" syndrome. In plain language that I can
understand and comprehend this means that when I take an interest in
something such as a sport or hobby, I REALLY take an interest in it and
have a tendency to get into it in a big way, and in a short time. In
examining my past interests I've come to the conclusion that she's
probably right. I think one of the main reasons I'm like this is that
I've always held to the inspiration that if anything is worth doing at
all, it's worth doing it RIGHT.
There's not anything wrong with that - right?? WRONG!! You can justify
spending money on new fishing equipment, hunting gear, model train
components, power saws and drills, and so forth. You might not actually
be able to AFFORD these things, but never-the-less they are things
about which you don't care who knows you have them. Now try to explain
where that hundred dollars that you secretly spent on a new outfit
went. Most of the material things necessary for the "properly clad and
adorned" crossdresser don't come cheap. On top of that, these items are
not typical of the stuff you can brag to your buddies about buying. But
MOST importantly remember that (and this is if your wife/girlfriend is
aware of and supportive of you) SHE'S going to know about it. It
doesn't take long to amass a sizeable collection of goodies, and that
little box or tool chest you've been carefully hiding it all in will
suddenly be too small to hold it all.
What I'm saying here is simply that you need to be sure that you keep
your supportive S.O. enlightened about your wardrobe and your spending
habits and just DON'T overdo it or you'll tear that support completely
down.
There are some crossdressers who have the features, skills, and ability
to assimilate a real female so well that they can actually look better
than their wife or girlfriend. I don't happen fall into this category
so I don't have the "problem" (???) associated with it and that is one
of jealousy. Yes, I said jealousy! You need to be very careful not to
look better than your S.O. - especially the first time she sees you
dressed enfemme. I've heard it said that women don't actually dress up
to impress men so much as they do to impress other women. This suggests
that there is apparently some SERIOUS competition out there amongst the
GGs (Genetic Girls) and it's definitely not something that you need to
compete against your S.O. in doing.
Therefore, to keep the peace in your relationship, don't try to out-do
her. Even if you have the ability and what it takes to look ravishing,
don't do it! Leave her some room to make suggestions for improvements.
It might surprise you what she can teach you even if you do think you
are sufficiently proficient in the art of feminine illusion. A bonus
feature is that it will help to have her involved with your alter ego
due to the fact that she feels that you need her help and guidance.
And while we're on the subject of your looks, if or when you do present
yourself to your beloved, it's a good idea to try to look as lady-like
as possible. If you've read my 'standards' elsewhere on this site, you
know that I'm a little bit biased here because that's the way I try to
look. But there's a big advantage to this - the image of you trying to
resemble a classy looking woman is much easier to digest for the wife
of a crossdresser who has just been told about your crossdressing. In
addition, it's much easier to look 'presentable' in this manner than it
is to do so in a sheer negligee or provocative lingerie. Believe me
when I say that you stand a better chance of gaining favorable results
this way than if you look like you're trying to resemble a common
hooker. And guys, let's face it - most of us don't have the natural
shape or features to make it to the cover of Cosmo or the Sports
Illustrated Swimsuit edition.
Another big no-no is going to bed dressed and/or made up and then
trying to invoke a romantic interlude. Remember, she married a man, and
unless she specifically asks you to wear feminine attire to bed, she
wants and deserves that man as a romantic partner. A lot of women will
cringe at the thought of trying to be romantic with their femininely
clothed husband. I've heard that a lot of them liken it to lesbianism
and they say that it's a big turn-off for them. Put yourself in their
position - would it be romantic for you if she came to bed wearing a
pair of your jockey shorts, her breasts bound tightly to her chest, and
with the scent of your after shave on her? Still, there are SOME women
who actually enjoy having their men enfemme during intimacy and if it's
OK with her, then go for it! Just don't try to force yourself on her in
a romantic way when you're dressed enfemme.
In summary what I'm trying to say here is to be considerate of her
feelings and emotions. If you love your wife/girlfriend and you value
your relationship don't try to force something on her that she's not
ready to accept or agree to. If she sees that you are genuinely
concerned about her apprehensions it will go a long way towards the two
of you coming to some mutual agreements.
