OK, so your husband (or boyfriend as the
case may be) has told you that he's a crossdresser. Or maybe you just
happened to walk in on him unexpectedly while he was dressed in his
'girly things'. Possibly you found his collection of clothes, wigs,
makeup, shoes, hosiery, and other things. Whatever the circumstance -
you've discovered that he's been wearing women's clothes, makeup, wigs,
and whatever other feminine things that he's attracted to. You were
shocked. You just couldn't believe that this was happening to YOU, of
all people! Oh, you've heard about it happening to OTHER women, and
maybe you had no problem with that since it wasn't something that
involved you personally. But now it's an "up close and personal" thing.
So you invoked the first step of the "grieving process" - you DENIED
that this was happening.
Next you entered step number two of this process in the form of ANGER,
and for some women this is where the process comes to a screeching halt
rather than going through all five steps of the entire process. You
demanded that this come to an immediate stop. You told him in no
uncertain terms that you could not live with a man that would do such
things and if it didn't come to a halt at once, you would have to begin
considering leaving him and find another person who doesn't have such
"perverted
ways"to share your life with .
If this man is your husband, and ESPECIALLY if your marriage is one of
longstanding duration, or there are children in the marriage, in all
probability he will attempt to accommodate your wishes simply because
he LOVES you. "That's more LIKE it", you say to yourself, as you also
demand that he get rid of the things he has
accumulated in his collection.
So you've "won" the battle. HAVE YOU REALLY? He's
agreed to your demands and he just might do his best to stop
crossdressing. But look back up in the preceding paragraph and notice
that I said that he would ATTEMPT to accommodate you. He may be totally
sincere that he's going to do just that, but he's going to be in for a
rather rude awakening a little farther down the road when he discovers
that he can't stop. But when he makes this discovery he will remember
the promises he made to you and, not wanting to put the relationship in
jeopardy, take it "underground" so to speak. Keep in mind here that
this is something that he was BORN with. It has nothing to do with
anything that you've done, or NOT done, and it is not an indication as
to what kind of wife you are. It's not something that you 'caused' and
not something that he had a choice about any more than he did as to
where he would be born, who his parents would be, whether he'd be right
or left handed, or what color his hair and eyes would be. You might
compare it to the need to eat when you're hungry, or having water when
you're thirsty, because it IS a
NEED that he has. There's more about this need elsewhere on this site
and you're invited to explore it when you have the time and the desire to do so.
How important is the integrity of your relationship with him? The
question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you want to
communicate with him about it openly and honestly and try to work out
some sort of compromise, or do you want the false satisfaction of
believing that you've put an end to this need that he has. It would be
a sad thing to have won the battle, but have the final result being to
have lost the war.
Please feel free to
email me at any time if I can answer any questions you might have about anything mentioned here. Bear in mind that I am not a
professional in any sense of the word, but I can give you my honest and straightforward answers and opinions.
