OK, so
your wife (or girlfriend as the case may be) has discovered that you're a
crossdresser. Maybe she just happened to walk in on you unexpectedly while you
were dressed in some of your 'girly things'. Possibly she discovered your
collection of clothes, wigs, makeup, shoes, hosiery, and other things. Whatever
the circumstance - she's discovered that you've been wearing women's clothes,
makeup, wigs, and whatever other feminine things that you're attracted to. If
you were found out by accident you were shocked. You just couldn't believe that
this was happening to YOU, of all people! Oh, you've heard about it happening to
OTHER crossdressers, but you've taken extreme precautions to keep your secret
well hidden. But the proverbial "cat's out of the bag" now and you
can't just sit idly by and ignore the discovery. There's no use denying it any
longer, but at the same time there's no need to keep it hidden either. So what
are you going to do now?
If
you're one of those men who is used to taking charge of a situation and being
the leader, you might ought to rethink what your next move is going to be. And
this is especially true if she's demanded that this come to an immediate stop.
Or if she's informed you in no uncertain terms that she could not live with a
man that would do such things and if it didn't come to a halt at once, she would
have to begin considering leaving you and finding another person to share her
life with who doesn't have such "perverted ways".
Did
you go immediately into defensive mode and let HER know that you had no
intention of stopping? Did you tell her that you were harming no one by dressing
in private? Did you project an attitude of something like "I'm not going to
even think about stopping what I'm doing?" If this sounds like you and
you've taken such a stand, you may think that since you're the breadwinner and
'master of your domain' that you've won this battle and it's just something
she's going to have to learn to like.
So
you've "won" the battle. But have you REALLY? You've stated your
position and it's even possible that she loves you enough to APPEAR to abandon
her own attitude to accommodate your whelms. Notice that I said she's APPEARED
to have reluctantly agreed your wishes. That doesn't mean that she understands
you and why it is that you have this NEED. If she is the submissive type of
person she would do whatever it took to remain your partner, but that is no
indication that she's accepting of your crossdressing, or even tolerant for that
matter. Forcing one's viewpoints on another is a quick way to alienate them and
it will take a lot more to win their confidence and trust back over than it
would to have sat down and had some open and honest dialog about it in the first
place. Bear in mind that this is something that you've lived with for most of
your life and you've educated yourself on the subject. She, on the other hand,
only knows about crossdressing from what she's seen on television - very
possibly from shows such as Jerry Springer - where crossdressers are portrayed
as deviants or perverts. As her husband/boyfriend it's your RESPONSIBILITY to
help her learn more about it from sources that are reliable and factual. Keep
that in mind when you're trying to decide how to handle YOUR particular
situation.
How
important to you is your relationship with her? The question you need to ask
yourself is whether or not you want to communicate with her about it openly and
honestly and try to work out some sort of compromise, or do you want the false
satisfaction of believing that you've 'won the battle'? If the latter is true
you just MIGHT find out that even though you won the battle, the final result
ended up being that you've lost the war.
Please feel free to
email me at any time if I can answer any questions you might have about anything mentioned here. Bear in mind that I am not a
professional in any sense of the word, but I can give you my honest and straightforward answers and opinions.
