You’ve
just discovered something - something that concerns you and it’s in the form
of a “hidden” stash of clothing (obviously not hidden quite well enough) or
you have found your child wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. The very fact
that you’re reading this is a witness to the fact that
your reaction is the absolute best one for it shows that you are in a
quest for information. This isn’t easy for you and I’ll try to make what
you’re about to read here to the point.
This web site covers a lot of territory in regards to crossdressers, their wives, and their girlfriends. The reader should keep in mind that crossdressers are only a small portion of the transgendered spectrum which also includes Crossdressers, transgenderists, and transsexuals, and everything in between. Therefore when a reference is made to the "TG" (transgendered) community on this site, it's most often in reference to crossdressers since that's the specific area on the spectrum that this site is concerned with. It’s equally important to understand that the terms gay, bisexual, homosexual, lesbian, and so forth deal with sexual orientations and shouldn’t be confused with gender orientation. There’s a world of difference between the two.
There's an often overlooked group of people who find themselves in a position of needing to know about the subject and that group is those of you who are parents and who have never been in a position of having to deal with the issue of crossdressing/transgenderism before. In most cases the only thing that you probably know about crossdressers or transgenderism is what you've seen on television shows such as Jerry Springer, Rikki Lake, Sally Jesse Rafael, or newscasts and I can assure you that most of this information and the images you see projected there are in error of what a crossdresser actually is. This page is for you, and after you look over it I strongly encourage you to look over the rest of the site to get a good overview of what crossdressers are in reality. Of particular interest to you will be the pages, "Who Are We?" and "A Crossdresser's Plea". This isn't to say that the rest of the site isn't just as informative, but these two pages will make you sit up and take notice - especially when it's your child whose interest you are concerned about.
On
a forum I often join in on, I replied to a post not too long ago from a mother
who had recently discovered her pre-teen son wearing one of her dresses. This
mother was wise enough not to panic and luckily had found her way to the forum
and posed the question to the group as to whether or not her son might be a
crossdresser, or was this an indication that he might be gay. She went on to say
that she had not mentioned this incident to the child's father since he would
have become angry about it and possibly would have wanted
to discipline the child. I highly commended this mom for having the foresight to
seek out some reliable information about
crossdressing instead of jumping to conclusions, and I wouldn't hesitate to
commend anyone else who did the same thing..
It's important to understand that children can and do very often go
through different 'phases' as they begin to mature into adults and it's not at
all uncommon for a young male to be surprised while wearing articles of clothing
or shoes which belong to his mother or possibly a sister. This, by no
means, is a signal that every child who does this is a crossdresser.
In fact, the majority who try on feminine or masculine things are not
transgendered. That does however leave some that are and there is a larger
percentage of people than you might imagine who actively crossdress on a regular
basis.
It's
pretty much common knowledge among crossdressers as is the case with most all
transgendered individuals, that most of them realized very early in their lives
that they weren't quite like most of their peers.
They don't know exactly what it is that's different, but
it's obvious to them that there is something there that they can sense isn't
present in their playmates and other friends. Typically the first crossdressing
experience occurs anywhere from the ages of 4 to
13 and while this is accurate for the vast majority of them, it can
remain dormant and surface at any time later in their lives. So how do you know
if your child might be a crossdresser? Actually, there's really no positive way
to tell since children are quick to learn that certain things they do are
frowned upon by their parents and
can lead to punishment, and sometimes doing those things can make them
the object of their friend's jokes. This can be
very damaging and costly to the child’s self image.
Depending on how successful they are at keeping their secret(s), whatever they
might be, may very well keep them out of "trouble", but it's also
instilling in them the idea that they shouldn't talk or ask questions about
things they are curious about and this creates an aura of distrust in their
minds. While this will keep them out of trouble as far as even asking about the
things that are frowned upon, it will also set the pattern not
asking or telling
about things they should be aware of. As an example, suppose they
are molested by an adult. They know that talking about their private parts isn't
something that they should be doing so they might never tell you if an incident
such as this were to happen.
Getting back to the issue of crossdressing. As previously mentioned there's a chance that your adolescent son or daughter isn't transgendered. But there's also a chance that he or she IS. So what happens if you strongly suspect that they might be? What do you do about it? Professional help in the form of a counselor experienced in gender issues is probably the best advice. If they ARE transgendered, this will help them adjust to that, as there is no “cure”, since this is not something that can be changed. Shocked? No need to be. If you've visited pages elsewhere on this site (as well as other informative sites) you're already aware that being a transgendered person is a permanent characteristic. It doesn't go away. That's not really a terrible thing IF it's recognized and dealt with for what it is. Transgendered people are all around you every day. What? You say you've never seen any? You just think you've never seen any. Chances are pretty good that you have several close friends who are transgendered in some way (see "Who Are We?" elsewhere on this site). You aren't aware of it because they've never confided it to you. Does that make them 'bad' people? Certainly not! You wouldn't have 'bad people' as friends. But like your transgendered child, they learned early on that a society that's ignorant about the transgendered can be unjustifiably cruel and unfair in such matters, so rather than take the chances of creating a 'scene' these people have elected to simply remain silent about who they are.
So,
for the sake of argument, let's say that however you did so, you have determined
that your young son is indeed a crossdresser. (Note: Daughters can also be
crossdressers, but with the standards of dress for females at this time they're
pretty much free to openly wear just about anything they want to without the
fear of any type of ridicule. Therefore, crossdressing/transgenderism can also
easily be a female trait although it's not nearly as recognizable in them due to
the fact that they have the social liberty to wear whatever they prefer) The
first thing you should not do is ridicule him for it and call him
derogatory names in an effort to embarrass the child. It's of vital importance
that the parent understands that the child didn't ask to be transgendered.
Just as you could have been born with something in the way of a physical
difference (one leg or arm shorter to than the other for example) which you had
absolutely no control over, he or
she was born with a predisposition to admire and want to dress in the clothing
of the opposite sex. This does not mean that their
sexual orientation will be anything other than heterosexual. According to study
done by Dr. Richard Doctor and Virginia Prince approximately 89% of
crossdressers are heterosexual.
The best action for you, as a parent is to do exactly what you are doing - educate yourself about what transgenderism and a crossdressing really is. If you're reading this right now, that's a good start and a good indication that you're on the right track. The bulk of this site is dedicated to providing the reader with some serious information about crossdressing - what it is, and what it isn't. Along with this educating yourself should come compassion. Unless your child feels free to communicate with you about their feelings, it's going to be very difficult for him or her or you to learn to trust each other and for you to be supportive of them. You don't have to like the fact that he or she is a crossdresser or transgendered in any other way, but it is important that you know that he didn't ask to be one and he's going to need your support - now and in the future. It’s best to let nature take her course and instill upon them the fact that it's OK for them to come and talk to you about it if they feel the need to dress in the future. At least that way you can arrange to give them the time to do so in an environment where it will be safe.
Kids learn pretty quick as they’re growing up the things their parents approve of and those that they don’t. And it doesn’t take long for them to pick up on the fact that society doesn’t accept crossdressing with open arms. Behavior or acts performed by a child that society views as being positive are rewarded with praise and sometimes material rewards. This ‘positive reinforcement’ encourages continued demonstrations of similar behavior. Negative behavior results in criticism and often punishment. The lack of positive reinforcement and the administering of any associated punishment or criticism clearly signals the child that this behavior isn’t to be repeated without the expectation of similar consequences. Interestingly enough these acts and their subsequent reactions may not be based on their true values, but are often on what society and our culture deem is “normal”. In simple terms what this means is that regardless of whether the act is one of innocence and is natural and perfectly normal, but violates society’s ‘rules’ then it’s viewed as being abnormal. In the mindset of a transgendered person – specifically that of a crossdresser – the wearing of the clothing and mimicking the appearance of the opposite gender is natural, normal, and is nothing more than a means by which to give an outward expression to an inward feeling.
The
bulk of this page concerns the specific position of the crossdressing
point on the transgendered spectrum. Since that's what I'm the most familiar
with and what my knowledge is greatest about, that's what I've attempted to
expound upon here. If you want to know more about transgenderism in general -
especially in teen-agers and young adults you can find some excellent
information at http://members.tripod.com/tg-chrysalis.
Click on the "Wanted To Know" link in the site to go to the menu.
Further information of a crossdressing nature is available at
http://www.gendertree.com
which is hosted by a close internet friend of mine.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this material and sincerely hope that you'll be taking away something
that will be of value to you. Your comments are welcomed and if you'd care to leave
them please utilize my guest book to do so. Also, feel free to email me if you
have any questions you'd like to ask
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