Click HERE to return to the Main Menu page
or click the BACK
button on your browser to the index of stories.
As of July, 2001, I'm a 43 year old male (although somewhat younger
as Stephanie), 6' tall, UK size 14/16, and an ex MENSA member
For as long as I can remember I have been into all things femme. During
preschool (up to 5yrs) I preferred girls toys and pastimes. dolls, and
dressing up in mothers things. I learned basic cooking skills, sewing,
knitting, and thought it was normal until I started school. Then I
found out that 'boys' didn't do that sort of stuff, so I stopped, even
though I still continued to hobble about in her heels. I decided it was
unfair that girls could wear pretty clothes and look nice and I was not
allowed to do so. I got really jealous and gave up most of the femme
things. But I still didn't fit in. so I became pretty much a loner. I
only had 2 male friends through school, and I never was part of the
crowd or rough and tumble that most of the others guys were into.
From about 12 to 13 years of age I had lots of girl friends. However, I
only really wanted them as friends, because I wanted to be like them
(didn't realize it a the time). They seemed to like me because I
treated them differently than the rest of the other boys did
I left school at 16 with average qualifications and went to work as an
apprentice toolmaker. I finally went to college and met the woman who
was destined to be my first wife near the college. To be honest, I only
went out with her to show off to mates, to prove that I was a "real
man". What happened next wasn't planned but I got her pregnant just as
I was about to 'part company' with her, so I did the honorable thing
and we got married. When it came to motherhood, she was a waste of
space. I had to feed and change kids plus hold down a job. I stared
taking anti-depressants and began drinking because she wasn't doing a
thing to help me by trying to be a proper mother. I came home from work
one day to find that a social worker had awakened her and had taken the
one year old on account of negligence on the part of the mother. The
other child about 5yrs old was deemed capable of looking after herself
so was allowed to stay with us. I gave up my job to stay home and take
care of the kids full time since it was obvious that my wife wasn't
capable of doing so. As it turned out, I had given up my job for
nothing. She was a woman ONLY in the sense of the word that she had the
necessary physical attributes of a genetic female. Then I started
drinking (heavily) as well.
I fought in the courts for my kids but was told that this would be
impossible with my present wife So I divorced her and found a
girlfriend. She was a lot tidier when it came to keeping things clean
and neat. However , I wasn't aware of it at the time, but this woman
was also being watched by social services and she turned out to be just
as bad (if not worse) than my ex-wife had been in the capacity of being
a fit and proper mother. For these very reasons, attempts to regain
custody of my kids was denied by the courts. The elder of my children
stayed with me for a couple of years until she was around 6. Then for
some unknown reason the social worker asked her if she wanted to live
with me or her mother. Since she hadn't seen her mother for some time,
and at such an impressionable and young age, it was pretty obvious that
she said yes. This was a deception to both me as well as the child
since they took her and placed her immediately into foster care until
she was around 16, I think. There was no way would they let her live
with her mother. I never was able to work that out. I do know the
social worker had a personal dislike for me, and for what reason I
still don't know. That was the point at which I gave up trying to get
them back, left the girlfriend I was with, and why I stayed single for
so long.
From that point on both children remained in foster care until they
were 16 or 17. If the information I have is correct, the eldest one
(now age 24), went to live with her Mother and I have seen nothing of
her. I believe I can say for certain that her Mother has tried to blame
me for everything that happened and has successfully poisoned her mind
against me. To my knowledge her Mother hasn't changed her ways at all,
and I find it strange that she (the child) would want to live with her
Mother at all considering her distasteful ways. The only thing that
makes any since is that she must take after her Mother. At any rate,
she has never been in touch with me.
The younger Child, who is 22 now, left the foster home when she was 17
claiming that she was being abused, but she never pressed any charges.
I really think that she dreams up such things just to get attention.
She lived with a boyfriend for a time, got pregnant, had an abortion,
left him and went into a hostel for kids who had been in foster care.
By the time she was 18 she had met another boy a bit older than her.
Then she located me and sweet talked me into convincing her social
worker she was ok to be let loose on the world. After that she moved in
with her boyfriend, got pregnant again, then came to see me so I would
help her to get another abortion (at that time I didn't know about the
previous one). So my NHS doctor arranged it for her. After that she
left her boyfriend and disappeared for a while. Over a period of time
she moved in with several different boys, got pregnant again, left her
boyfriend again, and finally moved in with her Mother. It didn't take
her long to determine that she wasn't happy there either so she met yet
another young man and moved in with him. Then she had the baby and
decided to get in touch with me. They moved 100 miles away and she
expected me to come and visit every weekend! It wasn't long before she
told me she's having more problems. So, at her request, I arranged to
bring her back. The next thing I know she says they are in love and
quite happy!! Now she has left him again and moved nearer 'home' but as
was before, I have seen nothing of her so I figure there must be a new
man in her life. I figure I'll likely see her when she thinks she has
another problem.
To sum this up, at the current time I have no idea where my children
are. I think I can safely say that the oldest one doesn't even want to
see me, and the youngest one only wants to see me when she has a
problem or she wants something.
It was right about this time,18yrs ago, that crossdressing started
to come back into my life. It was just shoes and skirts to start with,
but this grew over a period of time and soon I began shaving my body of
unwanted hair on my legs, chest, armpits, etc. She (the girlfriend)
just ignored it. After learning that there was no chance of getting my
kids back while involved with this woman I finally left her.
For several years thereafter I lived a solitary life - just me, pills,
and alcohol. I wasted about 19 years. Then I met and married my present
(second) wife and slowly started to drift back into crossdressing as a
joke (or so I thought) to start with. She thought it was just a phase,
and she even went with me to buy my first wig and breast forms. At
first she was quite supportive as she thought it was 'fun' But after
about 3 yrs she started to change her mind as Stephanie 'emerged' and
seemed to be taking me over. I can't say for sure, but I think one of
the main reasons her support dwindled was because I was starting to
look TOO attractive. Actually I was trying to improve on Steph's
overall look and was succeeding quite well. So I think she was getting
jealous of Stephanie. She thought I had an unfair advantage, in that I
was slimmer than her and dressed better and took more care in my
appearance. She just couldn't understand why i wanted to LOOK the part
of an attractive female. I do go out dressed enfemme on occasion and if
she happens to come along, she doesn't ever try to help me to feel
comfortable in my feminine role. However, she has no grounds by which
to accuse me of 'doing' anything sexually such as looking for men or
extra-marital relations etc. At this point she is threatening divorce
most of the time, so I think its likely only a matter of time until
that will happen.
In the spring of 2001, my wife had decided that it all had to stop
{steph, that is} and decided that if she told all of her family that I
would be forced to stop. (lol) She told them but it didn't make any
difference and her family treated me no differently than before. But
then again, they hardly ever saw either of us anyway.
Also at this time I had booked us a fourteen night's holiday at a
Caravan site in October of that year, at what was a venue for
crossdressers only during that time. So after she told her family about
me, I didn't tell her about the holiday thing being crossdressing
related. You can imagine her surprise when we got there and I went out
as Stephanie the very first night. To say she was not amused, would be
an understatement. I really thought it might have helped her to come to
terms with it all by seeing others like me. But there were 'adult
babies' and all sorts of other assorted fetishes there so she was not
best pleased at all. Still, she tried to put a brave face on it as most
of them were nice enough. We even went to the local town a couple of
times with me as Stephanie (although no-one seemed to take any notice
of me) which made me quite happy. Also there was a public
house/restaurant just down the road from the site where we went (with
me as Steph) most nights after we found out about it. It was quite
enjoyable as the people there were really friendly and perhaps even a
little amused by us being there (the first time we went there was a
group of about 12 of us). So overall it wasn't too bad a holiday. The
major problem was that every night we had to finish each night with an
argument. Most of the time she was ok with it and got along well with
everyone, but it just seemed that she was determined to have an
argument about it all when we got back to the caravan.
Then as we got ready to come away on the last day I thought, "Well, if
she is going to keep on at me I'll give her a reason to." So I got
dressed as Stephanie for the journey home. First we went to a 'local'
cafe and had breakfast, There was only one 'funny' look and that (when
he heard me speak) was by a man who looked like he was a builder or
construction worker. Finally we headed for home and walked round a
couple of seaside resorts (kind of scary, but nice too). Again, no-one
seemed to notice me. Then we stopped in at a motorway service station
for a drink and toilet break.
From there we traveled towards home and visited a friend of mine who
had already seen me 'dressed'. He was ok with it. I realized that I had
red nail varnish on I ought to remove it and also change before we got
home as my mother was looking after our dog and might be there. So as
the wife wanted to go straight home I dropped her off there and went to
my brothers house after phoning him and asking if his wife had some
nail varnish remover. The look on their faces was quite good, but they
were ok and said I looked ok. (his wife mistook me for an acquaintance
of hers at first).
At this time the wife was phoning my mother, who went to our house and
wanted to know where I was, so in her "wisdom" my wife told her about
Stephanie (lol). The sh*t hit the fan so to speak. Now everyone knew
and of course Mother wasn't too happy about it at all! I rushed back
home and tried to placate her. Now she accepts what I am, but she
doesn't want to see 'Steph' just yet. I am still talking with her about
it whenever a suitable opportunity comes up. She has seen me with nail
varnish on but that is all she's seen up to this point in time. But at
least she isn't too bad about it. Not sure how my Father feels about it
since he doesn't talk about it. Even so, they now accept that it's a
part of me.
In December 1999 I had my ears pierced for the first time, my present
to Stephanie. Then in July 2000, I had them done a second time, and in
December the same year I had them done for a third time and I now wear
three gold hoop earrings in each ear. This year 2001 I also had my
navel pierced as a Christmas present to Stephanie.
I am becoming more and more convinced now that I might be a TS rather
than a CD and have made the decision to see a psychiatrist later in
2002 with a view towards going on hormones. Due to the present
situation at home I haven't mentioned this to my wife as I really don't
see any point in doing so. With divorce seeming to be eminent there's
no use in throwing more fuel on the fire and giving her more ways and
reasons to pick an argument. She seems to like to start and end the day
with one of those.
If you'd care to email me just click on the link at the bottom of this
page. I'd love to hear from you and if you're in the UK, maybe we could
correspond or possibly even meet each other one day.
Stephanie
If
you would like to contact Stephanie, you can do so by sending her an EMAIL.
