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My First Year Out Of The Closet
I am 55 yrs old. I started wearing my sister's clothes as a teenager. I
have no idea how many times my parents caught me wearing my sister's
clothes. After graduation from high school I went into the military.
Being single in the military and living in the barracks there was no
opportunity to dress up. While in the military I got married and had 2
children. We had 2 girls. Again there was no opportunity to dress up.
Although there were a few occasions I wore some of my wife's clothes.
She never caught me. A couple of times the 2 girls caught me but I
tried to come up with some silly excuse. July 1988 I retired from the
military. After 27 yrs of married my wife decided to move out during
the summer of 2000. It was not over crossdressing because I was not
crossdress at the time. After she moved out I started buying things.
First was lingerie, panties, bras, slips, stockings, pantyhose,etc. As
time went by I started buying clothes. If memory serves, I purged twice
(which I regret since I had a couple of favorite outfits).
My first time completely dressed and made-up as a woman happened on
February 28, 2004. I had found out through the Internet that there was
a woman locally that does makeovers for crossdressers. After several
emails I finally scheduled a 2-hr makeover session with her. To say
that I was nervous would be a major understatement. It was the first
time I had ever dressed up completely in front of another person, let
alone a stranger. After arriving and changing clothes and getting
started I relaxed and had a good time. This was the very first time
anyone had seen me wearing women's clothes let alone wearing makeup and
a wig. It was during this session that I had the opportunity to wear
breastforms! Within a month of that session I had purchased my own pair
of breastforms. It was through this lady that I found out about Sigma
Epsilon Atlanta. I called the number for Sigma Epsilon and after a long
conversation was invited to attend the next meeting which would be in
March 2004.
Since I live alone I have the freedom to wear feminine clothes all the
time when I am home. I do wear women's underwear when I am away from
home. However there are some exceptions, such as not wearing anything
to work or to a doctor's appointment.
Friday, March 11, 2005 marked the first anniversary of attending my
first Sigma Epsilon Atlanta Tri Ess meeting. It was the first time I
met other crossdressers. It was during this weekend meeting that I met
other crossdressers. It was a weekend like no other I had ever had in
my entire life. It was a weekend of firsts. On Saturday, March 12,2004
was the first time people saw me completely made-up and dressed as a
woman. I arrived early Saturday morning, changed clothes and had makeup
applied and a wig was provided. Saturday morning is also when Sigma
Epsilon has a newcomers meeting, which I took part in. After the
newcomers meeting was over we went to lunch. It was the first time I
ventured out in public completely made-up and dressed as a woman. My
first time out in public we walked to a nearby Ruby Tuesday for lunch.
This was in the middle of Atlanta on a major street near a major
Atlanta mall. Saturday evening we went out to dinner called The Red
Chair. Afterwards we returned to the hotel suite. I decided to go home
dressed up.
My second Sigma Epsilon meeting was in April. After lunch on Saturday I
wanted to go to a store that carried formal evening gowns. Sigma
Epsilon was having their annual Spring Cotillion in May and I would
need a formal evening gown. Three members of Sigma Epsilon agreed to
accompany me. Cheryl H. volunteered to drive. She had just bought a new
Jeep Cherokee. I was successful in finding an evening gown that I liked
and it fit like a glove!
Last year I set up a feminine personality on Yahoo and joined numerous
Yahoo groups dealing with crossdressing / being transgendered. I did
this for the main reason to keep my male self apart from my feminine
side. It has been through this avenue of the Internet that I have found
a lot of information and met a lot of people over the Internet. During
the months that followed my first makeover and attending Sigma Epsilon
I would post a message about what I had done, what I felt, what I was
going through. I received a lot of messages back encouraging me to keep
going and to be myself and have fun. It was during these messages that
I found out there is a fairly large TG community in the Atlanta area.
(If anyone reading this is interested in the messages that I posted,
join the Yahoo group, "atlantatransgendered". There you will find the
messages I posted under the name "heathermariethomas" or
"heatherannethomas". The messages would have been posted starting
around March 2004. It has been quite some time since I posted any new
messages though.
As far as shopping for clothes, lingerie, makeup, wigs, etc. I have
bought some clothes locally and some over the Internet. I have yet to
go to a store while in boy mode and ask to try on a dress. I don't
believe that I will ever do that. I have walked around some malls
dressed en femme but that is about all. I am comfortable with going
into a store and buying clothes, makeup, lingerie, etc. I have gone to
a Lane Bryant store in a local mall and been measured and properly
fitted for bras. I was in male mode at the time.
Since March 2004 I have been out in public to several Atlanta
restaurants and shopping malls. I never ever thought that I would ever
be walking around a major Atlanta shopping mall while dressed en femme.
To date, I have done just that several times. The first time was when a
member of Sigma Epsilon had a makeover at the MAC Cosmetics Store in
Perimeter Mall. I remember that after walking into the mall I heard an
individual give a "wolf whistle"! I did not react, I just kept walking!
Another time was when I went to the same MAC store for a complete
makeover. Actually, I did that twice. Another time I went on a shopping
trip to a mall during the Southern Comfort Conference 2004. The last
time was during a Sigma Epsilon weekend when a group went shopping in
the same mall, North DeKalb Mall. During the past year I found out
about a group called "Southern Belle Society". The Southern Belle
Society is a group that gets together and does things together. It is
strictly a social group.
Last year I found out about an annual convention held in Atlanta called
"Southern Comfort Conference". The conference is for everyone of the TG
community. I found out the conference has a scholarship program. I
applied for and received a full scholarship to attend the entire
conference. The registration fee was $300.00. All that I would have to
pay for was hotel room, parking, and some meals. I found out that a CD
friend of mine, Caley, would be attending the conference and was
willing to share the hotel room and split the cost. I made arrangements
to meet Caley in the hotel room we were to share. The conference
started on Wednesday morning and went through Saturday evening. To end
the conference there was a formal banquet. This would be the second
time I had the opportunity to wear my formal evening gown. What a week
that was! To be honest though, by Saturday evening, I was ready to head
home and be my male self again. But I did have a lot of fun and met a
lot of people. It was during one particular evening that I joined The
Southern Belle Society. A friend from Sigma Epsilon was also there and
also joined. As many times I have been out en femme during Sigma
Epsilon functions or Southern Belle Society socials, I have yet to have
any problems, confrontations, or hassles from anyone. And that includes
using the ladies restroom!
While all of this was going on I found out that my daughter knew some
things about my desire to wear women's clothes but not everything. I
found out she knew a few years before all of this started. When exactly
I do not know. Once we knew what each other knew things changed. My
relationship with my daughter did not changed however. Over a period of
time she learned more and more and finally she knew everything. I told
I had joined a support group in Atlanta. That I had been dressing all
the way to include makeup, wig, breastforms, etc. That I had been going
out in public dressed as a woman. At first she did not want to see
anything. I had decided that I would not bring up the subject but if
she asked me anything then I would answer her completely and honestly.
One of the things that I told her from the very beginning was that I
have no intentions of transitioning, living full time as a woman, no
surgery of any kind and that I am not gay. That all I would be doing
would be dressing up as a woman and meeting others such as myself. I
left it up to her to ask questions. Over time she did and she learned
about everything I had been doing. In fact, during one of the Sigma
Epsilon weekend she accompanied me to a Saturday morning meeting and
took part in the newcomers meeting. She has told me that she is okay
with my crossdressing. That all she wants is for me to be happy and
content with myself. We do not always agree on some of the things I
have such as wigs, clothes, shoes. There are a few things she likes.
Some things she thinks are "granny" clothes! In one of my daughter's
early emails she entered a side note that I think shows she has a sense
of humor about this. She said, "By the way, you are not borrowing any
of my clothes!" I had a good laugh when I read that.
Last year there was another milestone in my life concerning my
crossdressing. During a particular telephone conversation with my
sister I finally told her everything. My sister knew about my wearing
female clothes because as a teenager I was always getting into her
things. Anyway I told her I had been wearing women's clothes again. I
told her I had finally accepted this part of me. She said, "Well, it is
about time!" She is okay with my crossdressing. I also told her I had
joined a support group in Atlanta and she thought thatwas a great idea.
I asked her if her husband knew and she said he does and it is okay
with him.
Last year there were times I wanted to get rid of everything and quit
crossdressing. Why I do not know. I decided not to "purge" at the time
but to let things take their own course and see where they led me. A
few years ago I had purged everything I had twice. I feel that I have
come to terms with my need and desire to crossdress. The need /desire
to crossdress will not go away. As often as I have been out dressed en
femme, I still at times get apprehensive or nervous about being
recognized. But now I don't worry about being recognized as much as I
used to in the beginning.
Last year I purchased some books on crossdressing. I have done a lot of
reading about crossdressing. I believe I have gained some insight about
my need and desire to crossdress. Some of the material is humorous,
some pretty deep in content. I have listened to members of Sigma
Epsilon, both the crossdresser and the wife. I have read a lot of
messages posted to some of the Yahoo groups that deal with
crossdressing. One thing I have decided is that if I ever meet someone
special and it looks like I will get married, I will tell her about my
crossdressing long before we get married. I will not keep it a secret
going into a marriage.
I look back over the past year and wonder where I would be today if I
had not had my first makeover. If I had not attended my first Sigma
Epsilon meeting. At times I wonder if I made the right decision to
attend that first meeting. I am content and happy with who I am. I have
not missed a Sigma Epsilon weekend since attending that first meeting /
weekend.
If you would like to contact Heather, you can do so by sending her an EMAIL.
